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Just Ask the Caregiving Doctor
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July 6, 2009
Blessings to everyone!
My life has been crazy, but I am fine. The hospice staff has given my dad a month or less to live. Even one nurse gave him a week. I don't want to hear that! I needed to hear it...but you know! I thought to myself, we will see, my dad is a fighter. Ya'll......I said it.....ya'll told him that a month ago! Honestly, he is declining fast. He is now bedridden and total care! He cannot feed, dress, walk, or bathe himself any longer. He has all the "signs" of a dying person according to the Merck Manual of Geriatrics! Although the time is appearing to near the end, we don't know the day or hour. Only God knows. So, I will keep on supporting my brother who is doing a wonderful job caring for him.
As a result of the approaching death stuff in my family, I have changed my perspective on life. I now laugh more, kiss my kids VERY often to the point of YUK! My youngest son Karnell said, "Mama you "slimed me!" I guess there is such a word. Also, I say, "I love you" more to others, especially my mom. She is almost 70 and I am watching her closely during the health situation with my dad.
My advice to everyone is just let it go! Deal with the pain of your past, but move forward and forgive. Whatever your parents did or did not do it's probably too late to change a thing. You can control today and determine your response and destiny of tomorrow. You can't keep looking back, otherwise you will be held captive. I have learned that EVERYONE has a story, and we cannot judge whose story is more important, they all are, so there you have it! One day at a time Clarissa, I tell my own self that!
I am coming home tomorrow. I have said my goodbyes to dad. I will have the task of ensuring everything is in place in case he passes away soon. Being prepared helps me cope. I will keep you posted and thanks for your e-mails.
Clarissa
p.s. Someone e-mailed me and asked, "How are you taking care of yourself, you are always talking about what you are doing with others?" Are you kidding me? Are you for real? I will address that question in my next diary of a blog!
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June 29, 2009
Hi everyone,
Still in Mobile with my father. My hometown of Memphis, Tennessee, is about three and a half hours away, but my the drive to Mobile from Birmingham is four hours. I put my truck on cruise control because the state troopers are lerking and looking to give away tickets. Dad is bedridden now, and my oldest brother Clarence, is his primary caregiver. He is doing a great job with dad, and by the way, please encourage your family caregivers who are helping care for your loved ones! This is critically important! They too get tired although it can be rewarding work. My dad's physical health is declining fast, but he is fighting to live. He just wants to live. He is 75 years-old with heart and lung problems.
My brother has benefits I don't have, like being able to be with dad everyday. I am a long distance caregiver, living in Birmingham, but visit often and call daily. Anyway, I will keep you posted. Thanks for your concerns and prayers.
Clarissa
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ASK THE CAREGIVING DOCTOR!
Question: What is the very place I should start looking for resources for my mom and dad. They are both on a fixed income and I am using my money to supplement theirs. It is costing me nearly $400.00 more to care for them each month. How can I get help?
Answer:
June 22, 2009
Greeting everyone!
Tip of the week: The average family caregiver spends thousands of dollars each year taking care of aging parents or a loved one. It’s more difficult to help someone if you are in need your own self. I see many older people in need of services that include everything from paying power or utility bills to having enough food or money to buy medicine. Hear a few things you must do right away to ensure that you are getting everything you can from your local community resources:
1. Contact your church. I know, this is a waste of time for many, but it never hurts to ask! Besides, ask your family and friends who may have borrowed money but never paid it back!
We all have some of those people in the family….at least I do!
2. Contact your health insurance company and ask for the social worker. For example if you have Medicare, or some other HMO or insurance carrier, you have a case manager.
The case manager will be able to help you locate charitable organizations and explain benefits that you may be unaware of that your parents may have. Especially if they are veterans, past railroad and mine workers. You just have to ask!
3. Contact your Area Agency on Aging in your area. They usually have funds (although limited) to give your referrals and even assist with utility bills. You need to be at least 60 years old though.
4. Stay on budget. Your parents are already on a fixed income. You have to be able to be sure that they are taking their medicine, eating properly and on right diet, and enjoying a full life! Don’t let the problems of this world keep you from having fun with your aging parents. Do to the economy plan and put back for a day of the unknown…if you know what I mean!
As always, feel free to e-mail me your questions and/or comments. Keep the e-mails coming!
Clarissa
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Happy Father's Day Weekend:
June 22, 2009
Father's Day was yesterday! Happy Father's Day to all fathers out there! At the hospital we celebrated with cards, gifts, and spending time with dad. I went to the store and bought his favorite: popcorn and grapes. He wants a Subway tuna sandwich later on! I'll go and get it. In fact, anything he wants. I plan to return home tomorrow. There is no place like home. I can see my own bed, my own comforter, my own pillows, and my own night gown! It is a four hour drive, so I will play music and listen to inspiring CDs on the way. It makes the drive much faster. I am also missing my wonderful children, Destiny who is 17, Karnie Jr., seven, and Karnell almost five. Gee, how did I get so many at my old age!!
Anyway, they would like for dad to be transferred next week to a nursing home for therapy. We will just have to see. That is not the first option, but the last. Nursing homes have their place and are much needed today. I worked in them for most of my career, so I'm quite knowledgeable about how they work. I will keep you posted, but in the meantime...please call your fathers, good or bad okay?
Clarissa
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June 16, 2009
Hi everyone!
Tip of the week: If you are caring for an aging family member or friend on a daily basis, you must be organized. Your aging relative should also be organized with all of his or her documents just in case a crisis occurs. For example, organize your materials in this format:
- Color code file folders or label regular file folders and organize important documents:
Label them as---
a. Medical
b. Legal
c. Personal Information
d. Financial Information
e. Family Information
d. Insurance Policies (auto, home, life, health) and so on.
- Your monthly utility and personal bills should be placed separately from personal information.
It is really important to buy a fire retardant box (you can get them anywhere) with a key or code to keep records safe. Personally, I prefer the bank’s safe deposit box, but wherever, as long as information can be accessed quickly. Everyone's situation is different when it comes to organizing. My point is, just be organized as a family caregiver--no matter what system you decide to use.
Next week I will discuss YOUR FAMILY CAREGIVING SURVIVAL TIPS! I will highlight things you need in the home of those taking care of aging parents. You don’t want to miss it.
Now, I am really tired this week. I am taking vitamins that seem to help, but….you know…it’s more mental fatigue than anything. Know that you can send me an e-mail at anytime. I will be happy to help you. We are here for each other!
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